The DOG BLOG

Visited a friend dog owner?
Sat on their sofa with a cake and a cuppa in yopur lap?
Comfortable?
Then the young dog comes, immediatelly you decide this dog is unrully!
Before you know it, your cool nonchalant composure is gone, and with it the comfort of a friendly environment, and at this moment you would preffer never to lay eyes on that damned cake. Chocolate Fudge! Your favourite.
Your hand finds itself stretched to the ceiling, still holding the damn plate, now offering the chocolate heaven to the gods.
Your other hand is vainly trying not to spill the coffee on your friends new beige leather sofa, your elbows find an added strength to push into the solid wall of a huge chest. Big black chest is closing in, and with it, a gigantic slobbering tounge approaching your quivering chin. You stand no chance. Totally put of the cake about to be drawned in a pool of slobber, coffee cup only half ful, most of the liquid is scorching the skin on your thighs.
This is one of those life changing moments. Till now your view of dogs was mildly disinterested. They were fine at a distance, occasionally you may have cooed over a cute puppy.
But at this moment you harbour no nice feelings, there is nothing mild about the rage inside you, when you realise the dog owner sitting comfortably in her chair, looking at the scene doing .... zilch!
"Ehm, help?" your voice changed into a pathetic whisper yopu will never admit to in your entire life. You might change your opinion of this so called friend while you are at it.
"Oh, don't mind him, he is still a puppy. He is not agressive, he is just... well...being a bit rude."
"He is a sucker for cakes, and of course he can't have any. Just push him away."
Easier said then done. This is a scene of absolute entrapment. More effective than a straight jacket.
The owner, so called friend, finally waves her arm, and the dog slouches away.
WHAT A RELIEF! Am I still one piece?
Can't wait to get away.
Sort of melt when this giant puppy comes to lick me goodbye. It walks me to my car.
I draw the line when the dog wants to climb into the drivers seat.
After a while, and several 'nerves calming drinks', I conclude, perhaps I just don't know how to be with dogs.
And so they remain 'all right at a distance' because nobody can accuse me of lacking a sense of humour.

There is probably no such thing.
Or is there?
There are of course people who don't like dogs.
Just as there are dog lovers who don't realize the world is about other creatures too. Humans among them. I might just squeeze into that cathegory according to some...
But I'm digressing.
There are people who claim not to like dogs, and here I am not talking about pets in general. More importantly though, there are people who are afraid of dogs.
Terribly, mortally afraid.
There are people who walk on dog walkers beach and when my black dog gets within 20yards of their wellies, they are quite capable of going into what can only be called a pathetic mode:
"Lady! Hey lady!" shouts a man in a really high pitched voice, his arms waving madly all by themselves in the air above his head. I know he has no idea what his arms are doing, because his eyes are intently guarding his Wellingtons.
I do feel for the man though.
It will not matter if I say "They won't touch you!"
Well I couldn't do anything else, I had to shout at the top of my voice, being 200 yards away. The dogs are a bit faster then my long legs. Oops!
"They all say that!" says the man, and he is probably right. And majority of dogs probably don't touch strangers unless invited. But perhaps this man, as do many others, has had a different experience. Perhaps he's been barked at , perhaps he's been bitten, perhaps a huge dog put its front paws on his shoulders one's, and licked him silly. Maybe he didn't know what to do about it.
I must give him credit though, because my black dog, even though not remotely interested in people unless they have food, has a special approach tactic. He would purposefully choose a long stretch where he can gather considerable speed, and charge in a straight line at a chosen person. At the right moment, which is when the victim is convinced this sizeable dog is about to plough into him at full speed, the dog changes direction just enough to run past the person. Just out of reach. Amusing? Yeah...
As I said, I feel for the man, and the dog whisperer is scheduled to make a stop in our house tomorrow. Not kidding.
Well, she may not be The Dog Whisperer with an emperor's name, but she certainly speaks dog a little.
I have seen her express her dissapointment with my chocolate puppy before. She growled. Suddenly all dogs stop sniffing each other's butts and paid attention.

In my experience there are also people who are totally afraid. Afraid of fear itself when it comes to dogs in particular.
The other day there was a woman on the beach crouching down and minding her own business. My chocolate puppy decided to approach her from the back, and overexcited bitch as she is, she stuck her snout in this unsuspecting lady's lap. Squeal, jump, and terrified shaking. Not the dog, she is fearless and a nuissance with that curious sandy wet nose of hers.
The woman had to be comforted big time. She stood quite frozen, shoulders shaking.
She managed to say she likes dogs, or rather, she would like to be able to like dogs, but she can't.

Then there are those who totally invite the dog to play with them just so they can give the owner a hard time. No, it is not about me at all, this one is about another lady, who did not make it home with clean, well pressed trousers.
This woman watched the puppy play nearby for 20 minutes. She sat down on a rock, her handbag sunning on the rock next to her. Beautiful autumn morning. This lady gave the silly pup so much eye contact, that the pup couldn't resist it, and gave her a kiss.
Kiss equals full frontal lick with paws in her lap.
I am obviously NOT a perfect dog owner. I have a lot to learn. And just because I love dogs, and believe that nature's creatures should live as close to nature as possible, despite central heating and padded pet beds; the truth is that dogs need to be controlled.
We humans breed them to be companions, and of course we require they work. After all we have to. Pets like us need to have a responsibility. They need to feel needed to remain balanced.

The funny thing is we (humans) use pets to bring balance to our lives.
Numerous rehabilitation centres keep horses as a part of the rehab plan. And as well as cats have special licence on how to enrich life of their chosen humans, dogs add ......... to ones life.
Molting fur for example.

Dog lovers and their early morning walks?
What can I say.
there is a choice one makes in the moment before one peals one's eyes open.
it goes like this:
"Can I get out of this warm bed on such cold autumn morning, jump in the shower, make breakfasts, talk to husband - get through his morning grumpiness, wash the dishes from last night, and walk the dogs?"
The inevitable result of such split second soliloquy is:
"Oh, sod it, just get up and walk the dogs."
And that is just what I do.
The reward doesn't wait long.
I get up onto the cliffs, the views are magnificently calm and fresh.
Even on mornings when everything is hiding in the mist.
Subtle shapes emerge from the sea, and hover above the horison as though they are about to float away. Sets one up for the day better than porrige.

I did of course began with a disaster.
On my first morning walk in the Dog News Alley I got over enthusiastic, and imagined I could run wildly around with the dogs. Maybe I could learn new skills, like sniffing everybody's butt. Might be a better judge of character.
As it was, my ambitions were thwarted and I twisted an ankle.
The time in the morning before coffee and shower is the worst possible time to make desicions, for me anyway. I wore the wrong pair of shoes.
Left my mobile at home. So much for technology when you need it. So I sat there in the middle of the woods, trying to push the dogs away. They thought I was down in their world to play, and proceeded to lick me to death.
Drat!
So much for a morning run, loosing weight, getting fit, finding internal peace, New Year resolutions and all that malarkey.